IX

I was logged on this MMORPG that I play and I sent a message on guild chat. This guy that I really-really-really-absolutely-so-much-unbelievably-huge-amount-really like was on but he didn't reply the first time I said something so I thought he wasn't there. Thinking that he was asleep, I started typing out a snippet of my feelings:

"ne...
i could have booked my ticket on the 24th of june
but i kept it at the 3rd of july cause
i wanted some time to chill with you after school ends"

(or something like that)

and he said

"you don't have to postpone your trip for me
i didn't ask you to do that"

Funny thing is that some hours before that...around 5 or something before I took a nap, I was thinking that he would say that. Then I started having imaginary conversations that go like so:

"hey look, i gotta go. i have tutor"
"tutor? for what?"
"chem and bio 12"
"oh. why dont you just ask me?"
"well, i'm somewhat of a visual learner so i need someone to show me how things work and stuff"
"i could show you. why didn't you just ask me?"
"it's too far for both of us"
"does your tutor go to your place or do you go to his or do you meet somewhere?"
"oh, we meet somewhere"
"... where?"
"vancouver"
"then how is it any different from asking me?"
"i dont know. anyway, i gotta head out. i'm going to be late"
"fine. whatever"

Then he'd get mad and then we'd fight then I'd end up telling him that I think that he doesn't want to see me. Then all this drama and whatnot. Nonetheless, it's not like it will happen. Anyway, I made myself promise myself to never ask him to hang out anymore.

Moving on, after he told me that, I started crying and crying and it just really hurt. Then later on, he called me and I told him how when I go back to the Philippines, I wanted to get a nose job and reduce some fat in some areas. After 5 minutes or so of allowing him to think about it, he said that it was fine. I'm not sure if he said that because he actually thinks that it's okay or because he doesn't want to stop me from doing something that I want to do. Either way, I felt offended because now I think that he thinks I'm ugly. BAHHHH.

I guess I understand where he's coming from since my mind changes alot. I used to think that my nose was okay but then I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't to my liking. Now I'm having second thoughts yet again. AHHHHHHH.

EDIT: After much careful consideration and thought, I decided that my nose is what makes me Filipino and that I wouldn't do anything to change it. You can hold me to that :D

Oh and the answer came to me. I'm sticking to Guy A since the probability of seeing Guy B isn't very high and he said that he was going through a phase where he wants a Vietnamese girl for a girlfriend so...yeah.

Listening to acoustic sad songs doesn't help either. It just increases the paaaaaaaaain.