XXXVI

I'm so sick and tired of my church youth. Yeah, we have talent. Yeah, we're really good musically. But we suck at focusing and practicing. It's pretty sad that we can't focus properly altogether as a co-ed group when our leader isn't there with us. It's really discouraging. Plus, we really suck with money issues and meeting deadlines. We ALWAYS have to scramble at the last minute to pay for things and we aren't very consistent at all. It pisses me off so much.

Then, when we have meetings, not that many people listen. There would be people listening but those who aren't, are too loud that no body notices at all. It's really frustrating...


So in my last two years of public school, I've had these two girls as best friends. Let's call them A and J. I've known J since we were in grade 6 and we're really good friends and she totally gets me! A is a year older than J and I and she was a transfer student. I was her FIRST friend EVER in the school, in all of Canada!

The situation is that I think they're ignoring me. I texted A and J to go watch a movie but I've received no replies. I messaged A 4 times on Facebook chat and once on MSN when she was on (cause she never is) and I received no reply. I recently texted and posted on J's Facebook wall asking how she was and I received no reply either. Are they ignoring me?

Plus, the fact that A got invited to J's Winter Formal and Artona pictures makes me upset. Not only am I upset about that but I begin to really miss Pinetree. I saw the Winter Formal and Artona pictures that my friends from PT took and my heart just sank. I really miss them and I feel like I'm missing out.

Suddenly, I felt like my whole world got smaller. I see a third of my classmates 6 days, sometimes 7 days, in a week. School AND church. My world is getting smaller. =(


Which brings me to my next point. Who are my real friends? I don't know anymore. Am I categorizing my "real" friends with those who fulfill my needs? If so, what's wrong with me? How selfish am I... FUCK.


I'm going to go back to being inactive in the church scene starting the new year. *sigh*